Tight Socks

Tight Socks
Firstly, and let me be clear about this, I am not accusing my socks of walking down to the local pub and having one too many. Nor am I suggesting that they are way too frugal when it comes to spending money since, au contraire, I have to say that they usually foot the bill nicely(ouch!)

I am here concerned about the fact that they tend to leave their mark upon me after I have taken them off. I suppose you could think of such marks as podiatric love bites. I’ve tried talking to them about this before I put them on in the morning, but they take no notice. In the autumn I bought a bunch of them to get me through the winter. Perhaps we should speak of a ‘foot’ of socks, in the way that we talk of a ‘hand’ of bananas?

Last year, I attempted to stretch the socks by pulling them over a pile of books. Surprisingly, this had no effect whatsoever. This year I decided upon a new tactic; I got hold of a pair of scissors. I stretched each sock (using an appropriate bit of scrap wood I had lying around) and then used the scissors to cut multiple elastic threads at the top of the sock. The rationale behind this was to break the elastic tendency to draw the sock too tightly around my calf. I did not want to cut all the threads, since I needed a remnant of elasticity in the sock to prevent it falling down around my ankle.

I construed this as an experiment. If it didn’t work, I would only be losing the price of a few socks, but if the experiment did work I would have bought my comfort through the winter. I was not sure whether it would be possible to reach an optimum level of elasticity, and I did not know if they would disintegrate somehow when in the washing machine. I am pleased to report that the experiment has been a great success. Of course they look a bit manky and chewed up at the tops. However, in the winter I wear long trousers, not shorts. So nobody sees them and nobody knows about what I have done to them. Well, apart from you, my dear reader, but I’m sure you will keep it a secret for me? I’ve been wearing them since October and I am fairly confident that they will last through to May when the weather should be improving.

May I wish you warm feet throughout the winter. Speak to you later, my dear blogophiles.

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